Self love

Emotions? Where to take myself?

At the age of 23 I find myself in an inner conflict.

How do I know what do in life? Where to take myself?

I get too lost in where I am and where I dream to be is just a hazy thought within which the waves are blurred and all I see is noise.

I know my biggest struggle is with direction.

Emotions – development

As a child I was not able to allow my emotions a space of understanding. My upbringing and the world around me did not allow me to understand my emotional importance so I lacked emotional stability in order to function from a young age in a society with so many rules, regulations and expectations of how to be and live. Don’t get me wrong I was mentally able, everybody with a mind is able to use it with the power of choice. But in order to keep up a pretence in a bid to ‘function’ in a society where identity is already expected determined and moulded around you, it required such effort so manipulating my inner emotions into suppression mode in order to mask my pain and hide my true feelings about the world around me. This mostly was due to reinforced feelings of fear. This mixed with the education system is difficult especially if you are introverted. The conventional education system does not teach us the subject of human, what that feels like, emotion and ways to regulate our own. The truth is this very thing that makes us human can become a barrier to us for us to move forward and anywhere in life.

Inner lessons

How do I cope?

This was a question I would constantly ask myself and torture myself over. I almost went into rebellion mode knowingly yet not knowingly rejecting everything in my world, I sank into a certain deep depression without realising fully the spiralling consequences. I’ve been at rock bottom felt every inch of myself screaming at it wanting escape but when nothing is left I’ll tell you what you find…

Despite all the fear, pain and hurt if you pay attention to the silence, you realise the ground still holds you steady. You and the ground are one at this point. There’s such comfort in feeling the grounding. A space of stillness as a way to describe it. Then you realise your faced with choice. Either to pick yourself up or stay there. The rain will continue to pour and the sun will still shine. So in essence all we are doing is walking. Where do you want to go because the ideal destination is what we make of it. The truth of reality is that in the end we all die, death is an exit to somewhere we cannot envision clearly whilst we are here. So let’s try to collectively get on and better ourselves in understanding each other and humble ourselves. We all share the same foundation so stop kidding yourself in attachment to labels, ideals. Use them and put them back, the ground you walk on owns you not the other way round.

Human beings are not perfect so no specific being can take responsibility for blame, society constructs are based on what was – now what works better is the goal ever-changing in nature and redefined constantly. And there are so many areas where I feel needs to be defined better now how do I direct myself to be able to apply myself in this?

Up and till now I’ve drifted towards asking the bigger questions. I found myself suffocating in the education system. My mental heath deteriorated to the point of exit from that path. And now after a lot effort in healing myself to apply myself professionally I cannot help but see the cracks and the path to build a career seems much harder. Getting back on your feet after struggling with mental health is not easy when its such a misunderstood area. Yet the power to change my reality remains in my control of choice of focus.

How do you improve focus?

‘Trying to practice more conscious presence, feel and override the wave of turbulence within you. Practice mindfulness.

The education system needs to change.

Why we are here? The general consensus of what we are here to do and how do I fit myself into that.

As one of the younger generation the conventional educational system is like a factory, robotic in nature. We are to be cogs in a machine. Cattle packed in classes where expression of individuality isn’t championed. Mental abilities applauded and emotions ignored and feelings shamed since we hold a general space of what we ‘deem’ as accepted or not. Sensitivity is seen as weakness.

I feel like people are spoon fed and not given enough time to find themselves. So we find ourselves indulging in the things that do not serve us but provide us with escape in the hope to find ways around the problems we face.

This society does not cater to a humans spiritual needs when you are growing up. How the mind, body, spirit work in tandem, the knowledge of how to create balance. We need our education system to reflect and encourage balance in peoples lives. Pressure is a difficult state and one in which balance is nessessary. I feel as though we go to school to be pressured but we are expected to just learn how to deal with it.

A few thoughts…The younger generation, language of emotion, freedom of speech

A baby growing up uses the god given language of emotion and feeling.

Then you learn to connect words with emotion and feeling in order to express them.

If you are Emotionally stable? – then you have no problem in expressing your thoughts and feelings to others and hold no fear in doing so by this you can manipulate others through how they are connected with emotion. Because you are in tune with your own you do not try to deny their existence and you are able to play with them in the exchange arena.

Not emotionally stable? – then problem with aligning language with articulating because of fear, constantly reacting and trying to force a misaligned response. This is hellish in nature because you are in essence fearing yourself and restricting understanding of yourself.

Because everyone is at different levels of emotional understanding and when they reject or deny yours in actuality that is not your problem it’s not you who they are denying its lack of awareness. If we feel a certain way within ourselves and consciously deny it of its expression or space to understand it then a residue of shame within your being is left. You carry that around constantly.

A baby forces us to face emotions. The only answer is Love.

One of the solutions would be to teach people that they should respect each and everybody’s individual way of expressing their thoughts and feelings.

On a global scale Freedom of speech must be protected.

With the power of the internet we allow connection and a space for understanding. We live in a revolutionary age. Personal offence should not be taken because the use of language to articulate how they feel is respective to how they interact with their own emotions and feelings. We allow ourselves to be affected when we don’t realise the nature of our true self.

We do not own these ideals we are above them. If we step back we know we all have the power of choice. And what to believe is our way of aligning with who we will ourselves to become. When we take offence take a step back and choose with clarity where we give our energy, rise above the negative keep unconditional love in mind and set a good example. The only power is in example, people take a lot more from that since it’s a collective of feelings- energy which serves us all (good or bad).

Accepted and what is not accepted.

The ‘norm’ is the collective human space of tolerance we allow for understanding ourself. If we don’t understand ourself on an individual level then this on a collective is going to be at a defect. Words are expressions of feelings and emotions – which is energetic in nature and where the power lies in order to change them we need to allow them a space without judgement. So we can heal and ultimately direct ourselves towards things which serve us as a whole.

Ignorance as a means of shutting off understanding and is the underlining issue with many people in society.

Shutting off understanding is a way of denying being. Not taking responsibility.

Everything in our midst is our responsibility. If we are ignorant then we are in all honesty denying ourself.

We should all endeavour to understand each other as much as we can.

The world would be a better place.