At the age of 23 I find myself in an inner conflict.
How do I know what do in life? Where to take myself?
I get too lost in where I am and where I dream to be is just a hazy thought within which the waves are blurred and all I see is noise.
I know my biggest struggle is with direction.
Emotions – development
As a child I was not able to allow my emotions a space of understanding. My upbringing and the world around me did not allow me to understand my emotional importance so I lacked emotional stability in order to function from a young age in a society with so many rules, regulations and expectations of how to be and live. Don’t get me wrong I was mentally able, everybody with a mind is able to use it with the power of choice. But in order to keep up a pretence in a bid to ‘function’ in a society where identity is already expected determined and moulded around you, it required such effort so manipulating my inner emotions into suppression mode in order to mask my pain and hide my true feelings about the world around me. This mostly was due to reinforced feelings of fear. This mixed with the education system is difficult especially if you are introverted. The conventional education system does not teach us the subject of human, what that feels like, emotion and ways to regulate our own. The truth is this very thing that makes us human can become a barrier to us for us to move forward and anywhere in life.
How do I cope?
This was a question I would constantly ask myself and torture myself over. I almost went into rebellion mode knowingly yet not knowingly rejecting everything in my world, I sank into a certain deep depression without realising fully the spiralling consequences. I’ve been at rock bottom felt every inch of myself screaming at it wanting escape but when nothing is left I’ll tell you what you find…
Despite all the fear, pain and hurt if you pay attention to the silence, you realise the ground still holds you steady. You and the ground are one at this point. There’s such comfort in feeling the grounding. A space of stillness as a way to describe it. Then you realise your faced with choice. Either to pick yourself up or stay there. The rain will continue to pour and the sun will still shine. So in essence all we are doing is walking. Where do you want to go because the ideal destination is what we make of it. The truth of reality is that in the end we all die, death is an exit to somewhere we cannot envision clearly whilst we are here. So let’s try to collectively get on and better ourselves in understanding each other and humble ourselves. We all share the same foundation so stop kidding yourself in attachment to labels, ideals. Use them and put them back, the ground you walk on owns you not the other way round.
Human beings are not perfect so no specific being can take responsibility for blame, society constructs are based on what was – now what works better is the goal ever-changing in nature and redefined constantly. And there are so many areas where I feel needs to be defined better now how do I direct myself to be able to apply myself in this?
Up and till now I’ve drifted towards asking the bigger questions. I found myself suffocating in the education system. My mental heath deteriorated to the point of exit from that path. And now after a lot effort in healing myself to apply myself professionally I cannot help but see the cracks and the path to build a career seems much harder. Getting back on your feet after struggling with mental health is not easy when its such a misunderstood area. Yet the power to change my reality remains in my control of choice of focus.
How do you improve focus?
‘Trying to practice more conscious presence, feel and override the wave of turbulence within you. Practice mindfulness.
The education system needs to change.
Why we are here? The general consensus of what we are here to do and how do I fit myself into that.
As one of the younger generation the conventional educational system is like a factory, robotic in nature. We are to be cogs in a machine. Cattle packed in classes where expression of individuality isn’t championed. Mental abilities applauded and emotions ignored and feelings shamed since we hold a general space of what we ‘deem’ as accepted or not. Sensitivity is seen as weakness.
I feel like people are spoon fed and not given enough time to find themselves. So we find ourselves indulging in the things that do not serve us but provide us with escape in the hope to find ways around the problems we face.
This society does not cater to a humans spiritual needs when you are growing up. How the mind, body, spirit work in tandem, the knowledge of how to create balance. We need our education system to reflect and encourage balance in peoples lives. Pressure is a difficult state and one in which balance is nessessary. I feel as though we go to school to be pressured but we are expected to just learn how to deal with it.
A few thoughts…The younger generation, language of emotion, freedom of speech
A baby growing up uses the god given language of emotion and feeling.
Then you learn to connect words with emotion and feeling in order to express them.
If you are Emotionally stable? – then you have no problem in expressing your thoughts and feelings to others and hold no fear in doing so by this you can manipulate others through how they are connected with emotion. Because you are in tune with your own you do not try to deny their existence and you are able to play with them in the exchange arena.
Not emotionally stable? – then problem with aligning language with articulating because of fear, constantly reacting and trying to force a misaligned response. This is hellish in nature because you are in essence fearing yourself and restricting understanding of yourself.
Because everyone is at different levels of emotional understanding and when they reject or deny yours in actuality that is not your problem it’s not you who they are denying its lack of awareness. If we feel a certain way within ourselves and consciously deny it of its expression or space to understand it then a residue of shame within your being is left. You carry that around constantly.
A baby forces us to face emotions. The only answer is Love.
One of the solutions would be to teach people that they should respect each and everybody’s individual way of expressing their thoughts and feelings.
On a global scale Freedom of speech must be protected.
With the power of the internet we allow connection and a space for understanding. We live in a revolutionary age. Personal offence should not be taken because the use of language to articulate how they feel is respective to how they interact with their own emotions and feelings. We allow ourselves to be affected when we don’t realise the nature of our true self.
We do not own these ideals we are above them. If we step back we know we all have the power of choice. And what to believe is our way of aligning with who we will ourselves to become. When we take offence take a step back and choose with clarity where we give our energy, rise above the negative keep unconditional love in mind and set a good example. The only power is in example, people take a lot more from that since it’s a collective of feelings- energy which serves us all (good or bad).
Accepted and what is not accepted.
The ‘norm’ is the collective human space of tolerance we allow for understanding ourself. If we don’t understand ourself on an individual level then this on a collective is going to be at a defect. Words are expressions of feelings and emotions – which is energetic in nature and where the power lies in order to change them we need to allow them a space without judgement. So we can heal and ultimately direct ourselves towards things which serve us as a whole.
Ignorance as a means of shutting off understanding and is the underlining issue with many people in society.
Shutting off understanding is a way of denying being. Not taking responsibility.
Everything in our midst is our responsibility. If we are ignorant then we are in all honesty denying ourself.
We should all endeavour to understand each other as much as we can.
The world would be a better place.
So I came across Bruce whilst binge watching interviews on London Real’s YouTube channel. I became fascinated by his joyous personality filled with such enthusiasm putting forward the idea that conscious thoughts/feelings ultimately influence our realities and have the ability to override the power of Genes and DNA. A world renowned cell biologist recognised for his research upon stem cells, previously an atheist with given Scientific backing of his research he confirms that prayer or belief in something ‘higher’ than ourselves creates energetic changes within our environment which in turn influence our reality. He projects the idea that Genes and DNA are merely likely potentials, a blueprint to humankind. And that everything embedded has helped us survive on a collective up to yet. Our behaiviours and traits which we unconsciously follow and possess are ancestral to us inherited through our unique DNA lineage having helped us survive within the external environment over time.
In essence we are a community of a trillion cells with 20000 genes present on the 46 chromosomes we embody. On an individual level we are the result of the cells which work together to allow us to function as a human being. Stress is a major energetic killer, murderous to our being to thrive existentially causing all kinds of diseases and havoc in our bodies. Then the world we experience is energetic exchange, though the medium of our senses, our behaviours and interaction with our external environment including each other is similar to how cells communicate and exchange information with each other. So one way in which we can look at ourselves is as cells, interacting with each other using the resources of Mother Earth by how know we best, constantly trying to improve ourselves by regeneration (death) and replacing (being born) to function as this huge collective being called Humankind. Imagine stress on the world as a collective, I don’t think it would be a pretty sight! Embody who you want the world to be, that is a really powerful thought. Take a minute to let that sit with yourself.
The initial expression of our genes on a physical level is upon first coming into being 0-7years. According to Bruce we operate on different frequency states. Delta, theta, beta and alpha. When we are in the early stages of our life we operate in delta then for most in theta. As a result of these two frequencies we subconsciously download the world around us during these years. So this is made up of our biological inheritance mixed with the environment around us and the people within it influencing our learned behaviour. From 7 years onwards we replace our cells on a subconscious level. It’s harder to be aware of these processes because of how much we interact and rely on the world around us since the it’s heavy stimulating nature. If we are able to become more in tune with our bodies then imagine how much we could consciously change. From a scientific standpoint consciousness needs to be understood more. Yet its unchartered territory which we are tapping into today with research in quantum physics. Since you are dealing with the unseen forces its harder to back up with mere material evidence so the principles of science needs to develop and adapt to new findings.
What I gather is that our choice of changing the direction of our lives is up to how much we consciously choose to become aware of, our tendencies and behaviours that influence our reality and that awareness of interjecting by putting in conscious effort, belief in higher ideals and repetition of new behaviours to create these energetic changes. I believe if we have more faith in understanding energy and how it works and applies to the world around us then like Nikola Tesla once said we hold the key to life.
Within the book the Biology of belief he goes into all this further. I can do a full review of the book if you would like me to. If you want to read a book in which science meets spirituality then this one is worth a read, it may just change your outlook on the world around you.
The Biology of belief, Bruce. H. Lipton (PhD), Published by Hay House, 312 Pages, Available on ITunes, £8.99.
It’s okay to be like this you know.
I’ve always been quite the introvert and its hard enough to bounce off your surroundings and express yourself in an extroverted way. Not only that but I’ve always found I’m very hypersensitive to my surroundings. It’s quite overwhelming at times to know exactly what I’m feeling and how to interpret that. I feel like I absorb my surroundings in a way where I completely loose sense of myself and take a minute to react in an authentic way. It can make me come across as misunderstood. But then again I’m sure I’m not the only one. I am a deep thinker. Most of the time I am residing within my head. I feel things quite intensely and really have to try to understand why I feel a certain way upon reflection.
I can easily say ‘Hi, hello” “how are you” talk about the weather etc but this is just a protocol. I feel like this is where the problem lies in this day and age. Thinking that this is the way to get by in terms of interaction with other people. Like that’s why I could never do standard jobs. I’m more of an intense person who likes to get to the root of things.
I can’t stand people with a chip on their shoulder or just people who are ok with being inconsiderate… But then again I can empathise because it’s what they go through that makes them feel a certain way. I don’t think the world should be like that. It just causes more separation and misunderstanding when you keep that front to ‘guard’ yourself. When ultimately the goal is just to connect. I think it’s important to be more unapologetic and unashamed to be ‘weak’ and ‘vulnerable’ and aim to focus on allowing the good vibes of people to enter our way.
Anyways I don’t do small talk.
Its pointless to me because it’s being ‘fake’ in my opinion. If i do then it’s like tell me something real. More deep. I don’t judge consciously either, and even if I do it’s more a reflection of me nothing personal to you. I feel like this is something that everybody has a fear of. It’s only when you go through things you realise we’re all just trying to figure out the right path true to ourself. When you’re trying to follow in the footsteps of someone else you’re always going to allow the subject of judgement. Pave that way for yourself. Nobody can judge you.
Hey there to you whose reading this.
I’m not sure of exactly what to write in my first post upon here. However I would like to introduce my blog Karmony Love. My aim is to try to share my thoughts and experiences upon here regularly. Karmony rhymes with harmony which is kind of fitting since I’m all for them kind of vibes. I invite you to connect on this platform. 🙋🏻♀️ I want to say thank you for stopping by and I hope that you have an amazing day!